The thought of starting over again can be a daunting one. Whether you are a university student or graduate, in a career or at the end of it, or in a relationship that has gone off the rails or find yourself in a situation where you can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, it is so much easier to just accept defeat and buckle under the weight of the blow, as your best option.

Is this the best option though?

Accepting failure is your first chance at starting over, trying something new and making progress in your career, goals, relationships, and personal life. The only time it is your last chance, is when you throw in the towel and give up.

Over the years, I’ve learned through my bouts of failure and hardship, the truth through experience. I’ve learned, we all have within us, the power of choice. You can choose to change your career path if you no longer enjoy what you’re doing. You can end a relationship that is causing you more stress and grief, than joy and happiness. You can shut down a business that is bleeding money and start fresh again in something different.

Starting over is almost always feasible and it can be the best thing you ever did! Of course, it won’t be easy. But what is better? Continuing to go through life’s motion, doing something you don’t like, studying for a degree that you don’t enjoy, doing a job that offers no growth opportunities or worse, and will soon become irrelevant because technology will take over, or continuing to remain in a toxic relationship that is sapping all your energy and you don’t know what to do.

Scott Stabile once said, “Starting over is not a sign of failure but a mark of courage – a willingness to give yourself and your life another chance.”

No one wins a game of chess by only moving forward. Sometimes you must move backward to put yourself in a position to win.

The important thing is to let go of what’s been done and grow from it! Yes, it is easier said than done, and one of the absolute hardest lessons in life is to let go. Whether it’s the guilt of choosing a wrong career and wasting time and money, or anger or grief over a dysfunctional relationship, or the loss of someone you love.

Change is never easy in these circumstances – you fight to hold on to what you have, and you fight to let go. Letting go is generally the healthiest path forward, giving you an opportunity to start over again.

Letting go helps you to clear toxic thoughts and choices from the past and paves the way for you to make the most positive use of the present. You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from some of the things that once might have meant a lot to you, but got you stuck, caused you pain, stress, anxiety, and loss of direction, so you can move beyond all of that and move forward.

I reflect on my life and my own starting over journey to create a life that’s better than the one I had before.

These are some of the things you can do to start over. It can turn out to be the best thing you ever do:

Time for a break

Taking a break from your career, a broken relationship, or trying to find an alternative to what you’ve been doing, is a good way to reset your body, mind, and spirit.

If you continue to do what you’ve always done, and keep getting the same feelings or outcome, then its time to stop, and take a break.

Taking a break will help you to reset, readjust, refocus, re-energise, and most importantly, restart. Do it as many times as you need to, until you are happy.

Don’t be afraid to start over. It’s a great opportunity to rebuild what you want.

Taking a break also give you some “me-time”, to be quiet, spend some time with yourself, and become more self-aware.

  Declutter your mind

It is important to declutter your mind and let go of people in your life who are unsupportive and who create upheaval. Declutter your mind of all the negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are making you feel bogged down. This will help you to feel less stressed and anxious, let go of fears and concerns, and instead, help you to boost your self-esteem and free up your mental space.

Physical clutter also leads to mental clutter. So, get rid of things you no longer need, things that remind you of your pain, or setback, and doing this will help you to let go of the past.

You can’t start over again with a new life, when all those unpleasant experiences from your old life are still in it.

Shut out the noise

Become your own storyteller. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone will tell you how to live and what to do. Taking advice and guidance of those you know and trust. But ultimately, you will make decisions that you are comfortable with and can live with.

“You are your life’s storyteller. Craft something beautiful for yourself, weave a tale with fun and surprises, make room for sunsets and miracles, and always include pages and pages of love.” – Scott Stabile

 Explore the purpose behind your pain

There’s always a reason why something happened, just as there are two sides to a coin.

Whatever the reasons are for your loss, pain, or failure, there are lessons to be learned from it. There are answers to the purpose behind your pain, or failure at something

Your aim is to accept, come to terms with what happened, and what lessons or messages your experience has for you.

Ask yourself:

“What am I letting go and what does it mean to me?”

“Why am I feeling the way I’m feeling. What do the tears mean?

“How has this changed my life?”

“What has it taught me?”

“How has this shifted my perspective, approach, and outlook on life?

“What is my life’s calling now?”

“What is my life’s purpose?”

What are my primary motivators in life?”

While your past will give you all the questions, your job now is to find the answers to the above and other questions.

My own experiences have taught me that when starting out again, it is important to clearly identify what your primary motivators in life are. Knowing this will give you a renewed sense of purpose and clarity and set yourself a roadmap to achieve the new goals you decide upon

Envision the life you want to have and live

You won’t get there if you don’t know where you’re going. As mentioned above, one way of knowing where you want to go, is to find out what your primary motivators in life are.

I was introduced to a tool called the Motivational Map by my personal coach when I started out again. It was a worthwhile small investment.

It changed my life forever! It gave me purpose and clarity in my life, and I was able to set into motion, a roadmap of how and what I needed to do to get to my end goal.

If you wish to access the Motivational Map, let me know via my email and I can assist you in this regard.

Identify and be clear on your personal values

Sometimes, we go against the grain of our values, and this can cause setbacks in our lives.

Your personal values help you to create your most authentic and purposeful life. It helps you to set healthy boundaries and make important life decisions

Life can again become much more fun and satisfying when you have clarity and purpose about your needs and expectations.

Ultimately, inner peace begins the moment you take a new breath and choose not to allow uncontrollable past events or decisions to dominate you in the present. You are what you choose to become in this moment.

Let go, breathe, and start over again.