As human beings, we always strive to perform at our best, even though we are challenged by circumstances or certain disabilities.  We are competitive by nature.

I was watching the opening ceremony of the Para-Olympics in Tokyo. I saw the enthusiasm and grit of the cyclists. It was as if they were fearless. Despite the challenges that they personally have, they overcame their fears, including the fear of failure.  

This prompted me to write this blog about the Fear of Failure and how to overcome it. We are living in times of uncertainty and this can cause us to having feelings of failure and the fear thereof, even if the failure is something beyond our control, like my friend Jo below.

Jo and I are childhood friends, and this relationship continues to this day. Before the outbreak of this pandemic, we regularly met socially for dinner. Since the lockdown, we call each other weekly. We talk about our families, work, share laughs, and general chit-chat.

This past week, I was so engrossed in my work, and realised that we hadn’t spoken to each other. I called Jo, and we had our usual chit-chat, but Jo was not her usual, bubbly self. Jo had lost her job! She was distressed and started crying. I asked her, what had happened. Trying to control her emotions, she told me her company got bought out and that she and ten other people had been made redundant by the new owners because they were changing direction due to the changing business environment. 

This was heartbreaking for me to hear, because I know how good and professional Jo is. Jo worked as a senior Sales and Marketing Executive for a large corporate and was a top performer in her area. I empathised with Jo and tried to comfort her, telling her that this was beyond her control and this setback will open new and better opportunities for her. I knew I could help and guide Jo much more, but this was not the time. 

I called Jo a few days later. She was a lot more composed, but still sounded very depressed and disheartened. She told me that she’s been thinking about a few options but was very afraid of failing and what others may think of her. 

Jo comes from a family where her siblings are all tertiary qualified in various professions. She was the only one that was not. This, disappointed her parents and they never acknowledged her tremendous achievements in sales and marketing.  She would be regularly reminded that she was not as good as her siblings, and this made her feel that she was a failure and that no matter what she achieved, was never good enough for them.

Jo is a social butterfly. She loves to be around people and enjoys building strong connections.  This made her a top performer in her role for 10 consecutive years, winning many awards throughout her career.

So, Jo shared her idea with me, of wanting to open her marketing consultancy. Although she had all the networks and the know-how, she was afraid of failing and the repercussions of what her parents would think of her again.

I explained to Jo that she shouldn’t let the fear of failure, or what others may think or say, hold her back from doing what she wants to do and that she should move forward with confidence, resilience and perseverance. 

Anything new in life we venture out into, is always a scary experience, and fear is a natural feeling that we would experience.

While I understand that the fear of failure involves an ingrained belief that you may not be good enough and that you may disappoint yourself and other people in your life, it is your negative thoughts and emotions playing out, as well as a hesitation or unwillingness to take measures toward commencing a task or goal. As I explained to Jo, that while there are clear signs that the fear of failure is holding her back, she needs to shake it off, believe in herself and persevere.

Some of these signs not only apply to Jo but can also apply to any of us. Thinking of the para-Olympians, they too have had to overcome some of these fears, so that they could perform at their best. They faced many challenges, including disability and mindset challenges. Like them, many of us also have:

• Concerns about others’ opinions of whether we will fail or do well
• Chronic worry or suffer from the Imposter syndrome
• Constant issues around procrastination and can’t seem to get ‘unstuck’
• Lack of energy, fatigue, and motivation
• A feeling or a sense of hopelessness about the future.
• Thoughts around whether the ‘time is right’ to start something new and this brings about thoughts of failing, or not been good enough.

So, don’t allow the feelings of fear and failure to hold you back.

Here are some strategies you can implement immediately to overcome these feelings of fear of failure

I mentioned to Jo that before she embarks on her consultancy business, she should consider overcoming the constant, chronic belief in her mind that she is a failure. She (and others), should:

• Identify and have absolute clarity about her thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Understand her feelings and why she is fearing the thoughts of failure and how this is impacting on her life. Sometimes we overthink things and fear the unknown.

Shift her perspective about the fear of failure, by developing a new relationship with it and developing a new perspective on the idea of failure. Boosting her belief in herself and her abilities will be a key component to help her overcome this fear. Look at this fear of failure as positive feedback, and a chance to learn and grow.

• Permitting herself to fail

It’s important for Jo to understand that life is not a straight road, it’s full of curves, bumps, ups and downs, and when she fears failure, she invites lots of negative emotions and feelings, such as lack of motivation, sadness, self-sabotage and lack of self-esteem. Giving herself permission to fail can make her less anxious and stressed, and rather build resilience and practice positive self-talk. It is important to be kind to herself practicing meditation, reciting positive affirmations, or breathing exercises may also help her alleviate feelings of fear.

• Taking Control of the Fear of Failure

By taking control of her fear, will help her to keep moving forward. It’s important for her to get some structure in planning her day, by listing the tasks she want to achieve for the day. Sometimes, while we think it easier to do the easiest tasks, or unimportant tasks first, and leave the bigger tasks for later, this does not help to move forward. It is much better to tackle the most important or difficult tasks first and make progress, and then tackle the less important tasks. By completing the most important or difficult tasks first, you build confidence and also take control of the fear of failure. Managing your time effectively, also helps you to prioritse and get things done, thereby reducing stress, anxiety and fear.

Jo was appreciative of the advise I shared with her. She felt more at ease and felt that the strategies I shared with her are very useful and that she would implement them. She seemed much calmer, and positive in her voice

We agreed to revisit her progress in a month and see how she’s progressing with starting up her consultancy business. Our weekly social phone call catchups would continue as usual.

If you are experiencing the fear of failure, or are stuck, feel free to schedule a free, no-obligation consult with one of our team via Zoom. You can book yourself here.

or you can email us at services@keystonecoaching.online